Wounded Heroes

Wounded Heroes
The late Joseph Campbell, author of numerous books on philosophy and mythology, wrote an entire book about heroes and heroism entitled The Hero with a Thousand Faces. In it he discusses the concept of the hero's journey as seen by differing cultures and as reflected in art and literature. He found a universal theme surrounding heroism. It was quite consistent between different societies and the same themes were repeated throughout the history of those cultures. This book so inspired director George Lucas that he created a series of contemporary films about the hero's journey, entitled, Star Wars.

When I first read about the hero's journey I immediately related it to the healing process from childhood abuse. I realized that each of us who embarks on a dangerous endeavor is a hero. It takes a great deal of courage to face your inner wounds. None of us likes to look at our weaknesses or vulnerablities. But it is only by doing so that you can come to terms with your abuse and the personal problems that resulted. Understanding the phases of the hero's journey as outlined by Campbell will help you see how the hero's journey relates to your own healing process.

The classic hero's journey has four stages: the calling, the leaving, the courageous act, and the return. Let's look more closely at what characterizes each stage.

The Calling

Every hero's journey begins with a message sent to the potential hero either from within or from another place. The hero may experience the internal message as uneasiness, discomfort, or a feeling that something is just not right. The message may also come from someone else either in verbal form or in written form. For example, your partner or a friend may tell you that you need to solve your personal problems. Many men have embarked on their inner journey because the court mandated counseling.

Think about how you came to recognize your own calling. Perhaps you felt inside that something was not right, unresolved, or uncomfortable. It may have been your own inner need to heal that brought you this far, or your calling may have been through someone else. You may have read a book, a newspaper article, or watched a television program or movie that motivated you to embark on a healing journey. Both the internal and external messages are there; but if the hero doesn't respond the messages get more extreme until they fall on your head like a hundred-pound weight. Divorce, separation, and arrests for violence or drug abuse are just a few of these overt messages that we get.

At some point the hero decides whether or not to respond. If he doesn't the messages simply get more demonstrative. If he does choose to acknowledge the calling, he is faced with the next task in his journey, the leaving.

The Leaving

Once the hero heeds the call he must depart from a safe place and venture into uncharted territory. Breaking the denial that has kept your safe all these years and talking about long-ignored feelings, thoughts and memories may be the first step on your journey.

Embarking on your healing journey can be frightening and unnerving. You are out of your daily routine which removes your sense of predicability and security. The healing process can be like a roller-coaster; Sometimes you will feel frightened, angry, and depressed and other times you will feel energized, excited, and hopeful. Most important, the leaving means you must come face to face with different parts of yourself, both positive and negative.

What makes this frightening part of the journey a little easier is the presence of a spirit guide or mentor who will assist your transition into the unknown. In the movie Star Wars, Ben Kenobi helped Luke Skywalker across the threshold from earth to space and taught him the importance of getting in touch with his own inner force. Your spirit guide may take the form of a therapist, another man who is already on his healing journey, an AA sponsor, a close friend, or a lover. Your guide can be just about anyone you respect and trust and who has taken a similar journey. Ultimately this guide will help you prepare for the most challenging part of your journey, the courageous act.

The Courageous Act

At some point in his journey the hero is faced with a challenge of enormous proportions. He may have to do battle with a frightening creature or another person. He may have to reclaim a treasure that was taken away or save the life of another person. Usually the hero has to use not only his physical strength but other resources, such as feeling, intelligence, intuition, or sensitivity. The hero has to put aside his ego, become humble, and do what is necessary to complete the task.

You will find many challenges in healing from childhood abuse. Perhaps you will have to do battle with your inner abuser or reclaim your lost inner child or rescue your own inner feminine/feeling side. You will have to do battle with your inner abuser's tendency to blame yourself for the abuse. Combating low self-esteem is another challenge of the healing process. Learning to get in touch with your feelings may be the greatest challenge of all. You will face other inner challenges, such as acknowledging your weaknesses, admitting that you can't do it alone, being willing to make and learn from your mistakes, and learning to ask for help. This will require courage and persistence, but when you return you will have changed in a fundamental way.

The Return

When the hero returns from his journey there is something different about him. The courageous act has brought about an inner change that others notice immediately. Your partner, friends, or coworkers may tell you that you seem different. You may even notice the difference yourself, feeling more centered, at peace with yourself or happier with life. You may not feel noticeably different from the way you felt last week, but you may feel radically different than you did six months or a year ago.

An important part of the hero's return is talking about what he has learned on his way. This doesn't mean bragging about his heroism but spreading an important message that captures the essence of the journey. For you this may involve encouraging other men to embark on a similar healing journey. It may also simply be encouraging others to talk about their feelings rather than hide them. You may find that your message will go to your children in the way that you choose to raise them differently from the way you were raised. It may be helping a friend in crisis or supporting your partner in a different way than you have in the past. Some men have written about their experiences in the hope that other men could find courage in hearing another man's story.

Leaving and Returning

Heroes usually don't go on only one journey; adventure is a way of life for them. There is a continual leaving and returning, coming and going, facing new challenges and reaching new heights of awareness and change. Your healing journey will consist of a similar process of leaving a safe and comfortable place, facing and meeting a challenge, and returning with a new attitude or other change. After a while you will venture out again to face new hurdles and overcome new barriers to finding peace of mind. But with each journey you will develop new skills to make the next one easier.

Facing the intense pain of childhood abuse takes courage of heroic proportions. You are a hero for answering the call no matter in what form it came. You are a hero for asking for help and taking deliberate steps in healing your wounds. You are a hero for facing your inner demons and reclaiming your lost self. You are a hero for coming back a changed person and passing on your knowledge to others. You are a hero for continuing to struggle with your wounds and make peace with yourself and others. Through your healing journey you will discover your own heroism and learn to appreciate the heroism in others.
....Jay Sonkin,Ph.D